Two Wheels To There

Two Wheels To There

Two Wheels To There

  • TALES
  • “THERE”
  • THE STABLE
  • PROFILES
  • SHOUT-OUTS
  • COPYRIGHT © 2023
  • View twowheelstothere’s profile on Facebook
  • View @2wheelstothere’s profile on Twitter
  • View twowheelstothere’s profile on Instagram
  • View ryaustin’s profile on Pinterest
  • View RyAustin’s profile on Google+

Pherther-Grams

twowheelstothere

The mid-May weekend was looking decent, so Surtch Pherther, jonesing for a desert rip, would hit dirt again. He’d aimed to dark-wander with good tunes and smoke, but ride-tired and for the week’s work and a nightfall chill, was fine turning in early to breeze on the fly and nothin’ otherwise. The next morn, he tracked dawn up a near, near-familiar ridge for fossil-hunting and a sudden snake-watch after a biggun rattled itself know, and then throttled off for fuel, food, and a Bud at a state-line oasis, where he met two dudes who’d cycle-slogged two-hundred-fifty-ish miles through downpours and desert heat just to carve a glacier.

View

Jun 9

Open
The mid-May weekend was looking decent, so Surtch Pherther, jonesing for a desert rip, would hit dirt again.  He’d aimed to dark-wander with good tunes and smoke, but ride-tired and for the week’s work and a nightfall chill, was fine turning in early to breeze on the fly and nothin’ otherwise.  The next morn, he tracked dawn up a near, near-familiar ridge for fossil-hunting and a sudden snake-watch after a biggun rattled itself know, and then throttled off for fuel, food, and a Bud at a state-line oasis, where he met two dudes who’d cycle-slogged two-hundred-fifty-ish miles through downpours and desert heat just to carve a glacier.
This error message is only visible to WordPress admins
There has been a problem with your Instagram Feed.

Two-Up with the Past – 2011.10.02

Published on June 12, 2016 by admin 25 Comments

Shaky Surtch Pherther squeezed the clutch, halting Escape Artist a hundred feet above the Crosscapes River and Magic Canyon’s mouth where a clifftop younger self once spied a Native guy mid-chant just as a cloud burst.

He switched off the bike and eased its stand into the pebbly sand, dismounted softly, backed away to watch, and–spotting not a budge–bolted, dashing around all geared up and nose to the ground, kicking at rocks for a good one.

Surtch Pherther at Two Wheels To There: A motorcycle blog by Ry Austin

That morning, from a chair in the doorway of his room at Blakesville’s old Parker Motel, Surtch with coffee in hand had gazed at scattered cloudlets and virga while small hours rainwater wisped from Escape Artist and dryness overcame the last puddle in the lot. Looney Tunes goofed low on the TV behind him.

He recalled an eight-year-old self and his siblings parking their pajamaed butts before bowls of cereal and Trivia Adventure on the floor and those irreverent Saturday-morning cartoons on the tube in grandma-n-grandpa’s basement where they lived while dad built their house next door. It was only eighteen months, but those toon morns could have been his whole blessed childhood.

Surtch Pherther at Two Wheels To There: A motorcycle blog by Ry Austin
Where a Clifftop Younger Self Spied a Native Guy Mid-Chant – 2009.05.02

From checkout, Surtch blipped the old highway main drag east and hung the first right, passing boarded-up bars, expired eateries, and the tumbledown shacks and crumbledown ramps in Blakesville’s rusty railyard. Across the tracks he flew onto the cracked blacktop of Anticline Road, through the Salaera Wash dip that silts up at every flash flood, and past the obligatory dirt bike hills on the outskirts of town where he throttled down for the shift to gravel.

He passed surprisingly full Ash Bluff Pond at elevenish miles out and then swayed his way up to a sand-drifted washboard slog atop Salt View Mesa before slipping down a steep draw to the Anticline Creek bridge. Beyond, the road went all dirt and stone and bent to hell, and Surtch, rounding a tighty at too swift a clip, whacked the front wheel somethin’ fierce on a gouged washout, giving that rim its first of many dents.

At twenty-something out he scrambled onto a faint two-track and into a li’l badlands of red and gray shale and clay, traced a sandstone monolith’s sinuous fingers, tossed side to side down ledgy ruts and through cobble ‘n’ sand salad in a dry wash, carved off-camber up a slidey slope, and bumbled across weird warts of a rock bench to where he now lingered on the edge–alone in a breeze, with the odd crow and quiet.

Once re-serene from a spell with that scene, Surtch mounted back up, backtracked a bit, and worried his ride down the warped fringe of one bench to the next where he often camped with his kin and there fooled around for a while before, finally giving in to return to the City of Contradictions’ dubious civilization, he began to dawdle back toward Blakesville.

He dodged distant downpours and faraway wanna-rain, played that childhood game of “Where d’ya think that road goes?” with routes that vanished at worn corrals and shot-up water tanks or just into the sand as they should, and from an afternoon fuel-up at the town’s far west end, he pulled aside to consult his map of lies while the nearby slab spat and slurped cars at random.

Surtch Pherther at Two Wheels To There: A motorcycle blog by Ry Austin

How many beginnings can there be in a life or for one pleasure, he wondered. They say that each day can be a fresh start, another shot, and any gain therein chalked up as progress–that it all boils down to perspective.

For Surtch, this small fall adventure had been just that: a weekend of reducing pavement to mere stepping stones between the real stuff; of nudging the dirt closer to home, and his riding horizons farther out; of forging links from the sensational to the divine; and of further exploring and finally beginning to embrace dual-sporting.

Yet October was already afoot: Frigid Mr. Winter would soon be stomping his snowy boots on the stoop.

Surtch Pherther at Two Wheels To There: A motorcycle blog by Ry Austin

Surtch wouldn’t aim to be home by dark–he hadn’t been raised that way. Instead, he’d go west: up Lobo-Mancha Canyon in the Anticline; on the right road–eventually–for Antler Gulch, a way his brother had found through the clayscape waste’s surprisingly scenic guts; to dinner at dusk in a humdrum hash house in little Grames town; and over Friar Canyon’s sixty-odd miles that night, tailgating gas-guzzlers and big rigs as blockers against large game jaywalkers.

And all the way he’d carry on two-up, his passenger his past: a younger self mid-backseat in dad’s ’72 Ford “Blue Ox” Bronco; his brother on the wheel well at his right, staring at starlight, star bright, and moonlight in the desert night; their sister at his left, waiting with a Cat’s Cradle game in hand; mom-n-dad up front amid that magical glow of orange, cream, and green from the dash and the cryptically whispering CB radio; and that big, old V-8 just droning on and on and on.

Yeah, it was only twice or thrice a year, but those desert trips could have been his whole blessed childhood.

Surtch Pherther at Two Wheels To There: A motorcycle blog by Ry Austin

Filed Under: Anticline, Escape Artist Tagged With: anticline creek, anticline road, antler gulch, ash bluff pond, clayscape waste, crosscapes river, friar canyon, grames, lodging, magic canyon, motorcycling skills, parker motel, recollections, salt view mesa, solitude, storms, wandering

From Strangers to Friends Ne’er to Meet Again – 2011.09.17

Published on November 4, 2015 by admin 10 Comments

“Pardon me. Don’t you manage the South Contradictions Post Office?”

“Sure do. Deb’s the name.”

“Surtch Pherther… You, um, you might not recall, but I was there earlier this year, and you dashed out to ask about the F800GS…”

Deb’s bright eyes glinted, her kind smile became a wicked grin, and she walloped Surtch upside the shoulder. “You! It was you! This,” she said, pointing fiercely at the Triumph Tiger beside her, “this is your fault. Of course, I’ve girlied it up with flower power, on the top case too, but… Paul,” she hollered, flicking her silver ponytail as she craned her neck,” hey, Paul, this is the guy I mentioned, the one I chatted with about these big dirt bikes. Remember? Surtch Pherther.”

“Oh–seek, and ye shall find, huh?” said a ball-capped, bearded fellow on his way back from a nearby conversation.

“Ha, yeah–sometimes,” replied Surtch. “If one’s fortunate.”

“I’d like to be able to say it’s nice to meet you”–Paul smiled wryly–“but that infamous chat cost me the price of a new motorcycle–”

“And gained you a riding buddy, it seems to me,” returned Surtch, with a wink at Deb.

“Ah, true.” Paul hung his head in feigned shame. “That’s true.”

“Well, it’s certainly my pleasure to meet you. And, Deb, the flower stickers just rock–”

“Okay, everyone, listen up!” It was Mitch, one of the RoughLether Rides leaders, from across the clearing. “We’ve set these mini cones for some slow turns, so watch as my brother Steve demonstrates. And remember what we covered earlier, in the dirt lot below–be light on the throttle and the clutch, twist your outside leg in to force the bike down with your knee, and resist target fixation, especially on that front wheel. See? Just like Steve’s doing, despite his old knees. The main difference between this and a regular cone weave is that this ground is uneven and soft in spots… Now, earlier we split you into groups, so group one, saddle up and line up over here.”

“That’s me,” said Surtch.

Surtch Pherther at Two Wheels To There: A motorcycle blog by Ry Austin

He joined the line behind an F650GS ridden by a self-described throttle junky with whom he’d bantered a bit already.

“You know,” said the throttle junky through his full face, “these RoughLether guys are first-rate. They really know what they’re talking about. We’re lucky to be able to do this–free of charge, no less.”

“I don’t know, man. When I got my GS, I picked up a few DVDs by some fellows in Colorado… Yeah, yeah, videos aren’t live instruction–I know how you’re lookin’ at me–but their techniques are intuitive, like simply shifting weight from peg to peg in turns. That makes tons more sense than the hokey pokey twist your outside leg in and force the bike down with your knee contortions that these dudes are selling.”

“Oh, don’t fool yourself. These guys are pros. I just wish I’d been able to ride my dirt bike, but you know, a free class offered by the dealership… I didn’t wanna disrespect.”

“Remember your own words, ‘When all else fails, just crank the throttle!’ And look, others are on non-BMW dirt bikes. Hell, take arm-sling guy–he can’t even ride, but he still gets a free lesson and lunch out of it. The dealership and the RoughLether dudes don’t seem to mind.”

“It wouldn’t have been right. Still, this bike just doesn’t belong up here. I mean, it’s a Beemer.”

“Whoa! Hold up, throttle junky. You’re on a GS that’s sporting a pannier sticker that reads ‘GS: It’s a Tool, Not a Jewel’–I’m lookin’ at it right now, man–and here you’re tellin’ me that the bike doesn’t belong on mild gravel and dirt? Come on! Just swap those chrome crash bars for ones a bit less blingy, and you’ll be fine.”

“Oops, it looks like I’m up.”

“Oh yeah, ain’t that damned convenient. Ride away, man–just ride away!…”

Surtch Pherther at Two Wheels To There: A motorcycle blog by Ry Austin

That morning, Surtch had downed a Mcbreakfast, ridden ten-ish miles in the almost-autumn chill, and rolled in at the dealership, having about turned back for the large group already gathered there. Once inside, he’d helped himself to a styro-cup of office brew (a crutch for his nervousness) and then wandered awhile before stumbling upon a natural chance for conversation, with arm-sling guy.

“It’s gotta be impossible enough to ride street with your throttle-hand hung up like that. You’ll be working magic if you run dual-sporting drills.”

“Yeah, I thought I might skill-up by osmosis.” It seemed a ready response. “A few weeks ago my Speed Triple’s front brakes were worked on, not by the dealership. I got it back the night before a track day out at Salina Raceway. Anyway, I’d ramped-up on that back straightaway, you know.” Surtch nodded for the sake of the tale, though he’d never been on the track. “I squeezed the lever at the end sweeper, and those brakes just blew apart on me. I went down in a cloud of gravel and dust and ended up with hardware in my shoulder after surgery.”

“Holy shit!” Surtch cringed. “I won’t ask about the bike.”

Arm-sling guy went silent for a moment, his downcast gaze distant. Then he sighed. “I was unlucky then, or maybe lucky–I don’t know. But this morning,” his voice perking up, “this morning I’m just a fool. Here I woke early on a cold Saturday to attend this thing where I can’t even ride, leaving a fine, little brunette alone and warm in my bed. Damn,” he shook his head in feigned lament, “what a fool I am.”

Surtch chuckled, wondering which made arm-sling guy a greater fool–his leaving a “fine, little brunette” alone in his bed, or his getting involved with a woman who apparently had no interest in all things motorcycle. After all, thought Surtch, for many, religiousness is a condition for romance, so why shouldn’t moto-obsession be–a condition for romance and a religion?

3b_RoughLether Rides at the City of Contradictions BMW Dealership

From introductions and instruction at the store, the group had ridden (looking like an ad) a few miles east to a foothills dirt lot where the RoughLether Rides leaders prepped drills while laggards arrived. One suited-up retiree rode his fully-loaded R1200GSA into the space ahead of where the rest had stopped abreast, and too slow he tried too tight a turn. The struggle was short and the spill soft as the mega-machine eased over like a bloated sow, but something flickered in the fellow’s face: passing embarrassment, of course, but a bigger something too–a deepening distress that was born the moment he first rode the big bike off the lot.

Likely he lived unremarkably, for decades punching clocks and pinching pennies and keeping his yard on the weekends, and then one day it was a film or an ad or a chat with a pal… He got haunted by adventure bike visions–the biggest bike he could get–of going all geared-up and full tilt into a future of untold sunsets and exotic ‘scapes and ever-remote horizons, visions at which he was the center, of course, in which he was the hero. Reality, though–the machine’s heft and the serious skills required for its seemingly easy manipulation off road–didn’t measure up and was now slowly crushing the poor fellow’s dreams beneath. It was heartbreaking, and Surtch wondered if he was the only one who’d seen it.

Surtch Pherther at Two Wheels To There: A motorcycle blog by Ry Austin

Back at the clearing, Surtch finished his go at the slow turns, switched off Escape Artist, removed his helmet, and casually walked up beside Deb and leaned in. “Hey–you see that squashed cone out there?… Yeah, I did that.” Deb cracked up and threw her arm around his back and gave him a great, big shoulder-squeeze.

Surtch Pherther at Two Wheels To There: A motorcycle blog by Ry Austin

“Gather ’round, everyone, gather ’round.” It was Mitch again. The day was near mid-afternoon, and all of the riders had done the drill. “Today you leave with a few new things–a brief intro to what we offer at RoughLether Rides, a handful of dual-sporting skills, and most important, new friendships. Because few pastimes bring people together like motorcycling. Now, be safe, and remember, RoughLether Rides wants to be part of your next adventure… Oh, and one more thing–Steve and I are at Hotel Contradictions downtown and will be in the bar around seven for a few beers. Or is that in a few hours for seven beers, Steve? I forget. Either way, y’all are welcome to join us.”

The group thanked Mitch and Steve and the dealership crew, and though most continued to chat and linger thereafter, Deb and Paul geared up quick and got back astride their rides.

“We’re already late for another engagement,” said Deb, “but this was worth it. It’s been fun, everyone.” And while leaving the clearing, she made a slow pivot on a soft spot and suddenly was tilted a bit too far. Stretching her legs, her feet, her tippy-toes for a firm flat-foot or two, and straining her arms against the bike’s heft, she fought the fall, but the fall won. With an oops-rev and a thud, the Tiger had toppled, and Deb, on her back in the dirt, was laughing hysterically. The group passed glances and then broke into applause and hurrahs. Deb stood, dusted herself off, and grinning big, looked around and then bowed grandly.

Meanwhile, Mitch had strode over and kill-switched the Tiger, and after cheering with the others, he made it a teachable moment on how to raise a fallen adventure bike.

“Steve and I have observed,” he said, after he and Deb had righted the ride, “that men and women usually react to motorcycle falls as they do to failing relationships. Whereas most men will leap clear, so as not to get caught in the wreckage, most women will fight to their last to keep the thing alive…”

Surtch Pherther at Two Wheels To There: A motorcycle blog by Ry Austin

It… It, a constant companion–it, the critical self–it, that incessant monologue… Though Surtch sped the urban interstate home that afternoon, it would not be out-ridden, nor–however loud the wind and the road noise and that sweet internal combustion song–would it be drowned out:

Dammit, Surtch, throttle down!–Coppers lurk in these here parts–What the hell’s up with the different dual-sporting techniques, anyway?–Have others noticed?–It’s like the bike makers build freakish machines just ’cause they can–We have to learn what to do with ’em, how to ride the damn things–What kind of crazy-ass business plan is that?–“Build it, and they will come?”–Ha!–Creating a product will create its market too?–It’s like they all wanna be Steve Jobs…

It’s only mid-afternoon on a Saturday, Surtch, but it’s September–Winter’ll be here soon–Where do you go from here?–Where do you want to go, Surtch?–Should I join ’em for beers?–You know you want to, to confidently join strangers for beers and easy conversation–You’ve always wanted to be that…

You’ve made progress, haven’t you, Surtch?–You’re getting better at this, right?–Right?… Surtch?… Right?…

Filed Under: DeLusiville, Escape Artist Tagged With: motorcycling skills, real characters

A Dirt Road to the Future – 2011.08.21

Published on June 22, 2015 by admin 12 Comments

Surtch Pherther at Two Wheels To There: A motorcycle blog by Ry Austin

Surtch Pherther switched off Escape Artist and leaned it on its stand at the T-junction of Ourantah Ridge Road and the rural highway between Trapper and Portcullis.

Ahead, to the east across the asphalt, badlands lay in wait, known to Surtch only through paper maps and hearsay, a rumorland–a land of rides to come. And behind him? Well, behind stretched 45 miles of the most delicious dirt he’d ridden yet, a finer way from point A to B-b-b-beyond, a tool and a toy–a promising path to his riding future. In fact, Surtch was already speculating how to extend the experience, how to nudge the dirt–by linked like routes of rocks and dust–closer to the City of Contradictions.

Civilization seems to self-assess somewhat by the amount of pavement it lays, to equate progress with wildness subdued, dirt covered, and curves tamed. It might then be the two-wheeler’s duty–civil disobedience moto style–to bypass the straight with twisty and the paved with dusty, leaving the slabs and their vanishing points to cagers and deadline riders.

Surtch Pherther at Two Wheels To There: A motorcycle blog by Ry Austin
Mr. and Mrs. Ed

That morning, Surtch had broken camp, scarfed down breakfast bars and parfait and cold coffee, bidden his folks goodbye, and coasted Escape Artist down toward the boat ramp, hanging a left just before. There, San Cosme Reservoir Road reached far to the tip of a sloped spur, then sharp-turned south, switched to gravel, and scampered up past thorny shrubs, sagebrush, and quaking aspen stands that tremble-filtered the harsh light for undergrowth of tender grasses and wildflowers and small ferns…

Soon it sprinted–a rutty, pocked, dirt traverse–through a lodgepole wood across a craggy mountainside toward a jumble o’ junctions where Surtch had U-turned the year before for poor dirt legs, throb-throb-throbbing in his full-faced head from having his wisdom teeth yanked just days before, and mind-fog and body-blahs from half a week of juggling painkillers…

It leapt through meadows and mixed forests high above San Cosme Creek–a creek to which a younger self and his brother and their dad had tromped through autumn-tan and -brittle brush in a frigid late fall to cast for brooks and browns but catch zilch…

It dashed past a shadow of a two-track down which on that same long ago trip the three had driven dad’s ’72 Ford “Blue Ox” Bronco and eaten hash browns with onions and lemon-peppered pork chops before a bonfire and slept like dead in their bags through a mute night to wake the next morn to half a foot of snow and they miles in on a “closed” road…

It hopped left and right in switchbacks tight to San Cosme Peak’s shoulder where Surtch wrong-turned twice but soon got on track for a change of scene to gray from green, to sparse pines among rabbit brush and sagebrush again and a clay soil road that went greasy from a cloudburst, causing Escape Artist to waggle about and to about go down, spooking a passing sheepdog but not the Peruvian shepherd or the pro horse he rode by on, the only creatures (short of Mr. and Mrs. Ed, of course, of course) that Surtch had seen all afternoon…

And finally it scrambled up to the last stretch of Ourantah Ridge, to the north of which the land rolled soft and somewhat green toward dinosaur digs and toward pumpjacks keeping time in fieldlings of oil and gas and toward the vast Cairn Mountains’ rock pile peaks, and to the south of which the earth broke jagged-dramatic toward coalfields and more dino digs and the Bucksaw Cliffs flanking a clayscape waste and toward–afar–the vivid desert of sandstone and dunes.

Surtch Pherther at Two Wheels To There: A motorcycle blog by Ry Austin

Back at the T-junction, Surtch switched on Escape Artist, heeled up its stand, and pressed its starter. By highway, the nearest town was 30 miles off. About 110 farther–through Lupo Pass and South Middlefield, past Keetstone Lake and the Silvervale roads, and over Big Canyon summit–waited the City of Contradictions, surely facing fitful sleep through another sultry summer night.

But for his hunger for a cheesesteak with fries and coffee at Pemm’s Hash House in Trapper, the lateness of the day with its shadows already presenting and the typical chill already making the usual threats and more cloudbursts abrewin’, and the guarantee that large game would soon again be jaywalking after dark, Surtch would’ve U-turned and gone back the way he’d come.

Surtch Pherther at Two Wheels To There: A motorcycle blog by Ry Austin

Oh well–he’d be back. Yes, Surtch Pherther would be back. For Ourantah Ridge Road had changed everything.


Was a specific road or stretch of road a game changer to the development of your skills or confidence as a rider?

Filed Under: Escape Artist, Ourantah Ridge Tagged With: cairn mountains, camping, family, flow, motorcycling skills, ourantah ridge road, pemm's hash house, recollections, san cosme, trapper